Adoption
Today I picked up a new book at the library called Beachcombers by Nancy Thayer.
It’s a fiction book about a few sisters reconnecting on the island of Nantucket.
I started reading the first page while I was waiting for Blake at guitar lessons and a paragraph jumped out at me. It was a quote that the mom had told the girls when they were young. I read it, and then read it again.
It said
The universe is always speaking to us. Sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipities, reminding us to stop, to look around, to believe in something else, something more. You have to be willing to step away from what we consider normal life. You have to have imagination.
I thought about that for a while. And what came to mind was Eva. And how I just knew she was out there, by stopping and listening to the messages being sent to me. The twists and turns that brought her to our family….it’s all just so weird to think about. But I am so glad that I listened. The other night Andy and I talked about how I had to convince him that we had a daughter out there, and then when the first match fell through, he had to convince me that Eva was actually the one for us. Such a crazy time, and now I can’t imagine our family without her.
So speaking of Eva
Today walking home from school with Cole, Eva walking amidst the big kids, one of the neighborhood kids leaned over to another neighborhood kid and said, “she’s not from here.” UGH.
I don’t know why comments like this hurt my feelings- she meant no harm by it. And I certainly get it from adults all the time, “where is she from?” To which I reply “here”… but I guess I just got a glimpse of Eva’s future, will she always be the outsider? The one “not from here?”
Quite honestly I thought we were past that, the whole, “this is Eva, she’s adopted”. But kids are kids, and they all adore her, I know that’s not it. But I also know that sometimes kids aren’t nice, and at some point she will most likely face mean kids.
It makes me understand why when people adopt transracially they often adopt more than one, so the child has someone “like them”.
I don’t think that Eva sticks out in our family, Blake is just as dark as she is- however I must admit that it may just not be enough to spare her the hurtful things that may be said to her in the future.
And that’s enough to make this Mama Bear’s claws come out.
Moving on
This girl is cute even with banana on her face
Even when she tries to hide her banana in the door
Even when she gets in the drawer and gets stuck
Love her fiercely.
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Penny | 9th Sep 10
My niece married a man who is Korean and was adopted by an American family at four years old. They have two children. Tanner and Ava. They are very Asian looking. When my niece is out with them alone, she gets the “where did you get them?” and other comments. I know it hurts her that people would say that to her right in front of the kids. People are weird. I love the quote from the book. I remember having to convince my husband that we needed to have our third(and last)child. And now he has even said, “I can not imagine if we did not have her”. I knew that I wanted another, my family just did not feel complete. After we had her, it felt right. I have never longed for another baby. We all really need to learn to listen to the world talking to us. Eva is a gift and a beautiful one!
kristen | 9th Sep 10
She is precious. What a blessing she is!
Gretchen | 9th Sep 10
loved that book. it was one of many of my summer reads.
Caroline | 9th Sep 10
With 2 boys from Guatemala, I got that a lot when they were younger. They are now 4 and 5 and I don’t get the questions as much, I think because people realize the boys are listening and aware. However, I expect the boys will be fielding more questions/comments from their classmates as those kids get older and become more aware of differences.
Susan the Gramma | 9th Sep 10
She looks so much like Andy and Blake, and Max, and my cousin Sally’s son, and my mother’s brother Paul. I think she will have her brothers watching out for her too.
Kodi | 9th Sep 10
I loved this particular post. I worry constantly about what others will say in Olivia’s presence. She is only 3 but is already very aware that she is different. I will always be honest with her about where she came from to (hopefully) lessen any trauma for her later on. I wish it didn’t have to be so complicated and that she could simply be viewed as our beautiful, precious daughter.
Melanie | 9th Sep 10
My aunt adopted two kids about 32 and 25 yrs. ago. She was going to adopt some kids that were black from a woman that was dying but it didn’t work out. I would have thought no different of them if she would have adopted black, white, asian, who cares. The kids are loved. Try not to let it get to you. She is loved by a wonderful mom and dad and especially those 3 brothers of hers. She will be fine!
Ginky | 10th Sep 10
Awe Miss E fits right in with all the family. She is such a joy, I can’t imagine not having her around, we love her so much.
Gretchen | 10th Sep 10
Having a cousin that is adopted, and is very similar to Eva, people will always talk, don’t let that bring you down. You have an awesome family, and Eva will always know she is loved. Trust me, my son and his cousin are like brothers and protect each other always, it will be the same in your house.
Perrin | 10th Sep 10
She is simply gorgeous. We have 2 girls from China and I now forget our family is a bit different, until someone reminds us. It can be a bit strange to be jolted into that realization when you are just living your life, doing your thing. We are finding that the adoptions are just the start to our journey, living each day provides extra challenges…and extra rewards too.
Tawni | 10th Sep 10
Once again, I can COMPLETELY relate…
jennifer | 10th Sep 10
It never ceases to amaze me the things that people say. I just pray that the comments hurt me more than they hurt our son. He seems pretty darn resilient!
Your little Eva is absolutely precious!
Hannah | 10th Sep 10
I get it all the time. The weird thing is I get it SO much more with Sophia than Dmitry and that is weird to me because even though he is from Russia he has the same skin tone that Sophia does. I try to be patient but I have my limits.
Katie4Life | 14th Sep 10
She is just so stinkin cute! I love her expression, she is looking at you like, “mom, why are you taking pictures of me doing this”…