That is what I have felt like lately. Just a little off. Trying to do too much, and taking it out on everyone. I knew I had officially lost it when yesterday I went over to Cole’s school to pick up his packet for next year.
It was the first time I had been at his school since school let out back in June. It looked the same, only different. I walked out of that school and burst into tears, quickly shading my eyes with my sunglasses just in case I saw someone I know. See that cute little school tucked nicely into a Carolina pine forest now felt like home to me. And the feeling completely overwhelmed me. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy that I had finally reached that level of comfort. No longer feeling like the new kid on the block. But the realization and weight that the last 8 months have been, well hard. Even though this move was something we wanted, and has worked out better than we anticipated, change is never easy. Even good change is hard. Stressful.
I realized how critical I felt over every last detail of that school. What was once a 5-10 minute walk to school was now a 5-10 minute drive. Surely that made this school worse. Nevermind that this new school has a library the size of the gym of the last school. That the 5-10 minute drive is a pretty tree-lined drive. That the teachers are young and enthusiastic instead of on the verge of retirement with no enthusiasm left.
Cole made more friends in his 6 months there than he did the whole time at his last school.
Yet, change is hard. Even good change. And my shoulders still feel the weight of this major move. I can’t seem to figure out how to make it lift. But maybe it’s not supposed to, maybe it’s supposed to be a gradual thing so you feel every experience.
I can’t imagine going through life staying still- in one place. Not trying new things, new places, new people. Is it out of my comfort zone? Absolutely, I am a creature of habit. Is it something that makes me grow as a person. Of course.
Even if I turn into a bit of a wing nut in the process.
And here is a little cuteness for your Wednesday morning.