I don’t like you- Life Lessons

One of the many things that has taken me a long time to learn is ok to not like everyone. It doesn’t mean that it’s ok to not be nice, or respectful. It just means that there are going to be people that are easy, and people that are not so easy. And for me, I chose to spend my time with people that make me happy. That lift me up.

Here is an example.

When we first moved to Chapel Hill I was invited to go on a two day “spa” trip at a nearby resort. We lined up a babysitter to come during the day for Eva and off I went. I only knew one of the ladies before the trip. The other three I had never met. Before the trip, my friend warned me about one of the ladies- that she was a bit “abrasive and rough around the edges.”

It quickly became apparent as we drove out of town which one she was talking about. She was loud, every other word was profanity, and she hated everything about Chapel Hill (she had moved here from out of state a few years back). She also made it clear pretty early on that she was not thrilled about me as well. She had a son in the same grade and same school as Austin. She talked a lot about what a stellar kid her son was, athlete, great grades, etc.

I was fine, I only had to put up with her at dinners and such. But as the trip wore on and her behavior got more and more offensive and annoying, I could only laugh that I spent a lot of money on such a crappy trip.

I went home and told my family about it. And I should add that this was a pretty vulnerable time for our family. We were in the process of selling our house in Ohio and buying the house here. We were living in the townhouse. We were desperate for our new life to unfold. To say I was disappointed in the people I had met was an understatement.

Fast forward a month or so and I get a call from the friend that I knew from that trip. She said that “Dawn” (not her real name) wanted to call me. She was mad. Apparently Austin had told one of his friends on the lacrosse team that I didn’t like her. My friend asked if she could give her my phone number. I said no, but asked for her phone number. I wanted to call her on my own terms.

So I did. I apologized. But admitted that I was rubbed the wrong way by things she said and her behavior. She told me she didn’t like me. I told her I knew that, she had made it clear. She said I should inform my son not to go to school and blab things that were said at the dinner table. I agreed. I told her that I had already addressed that matter. But in the end I felt that it was ok that she didn’t like me, and that I didn’t like her. That was life.

I thought that would be the end of it. But then she said, “I think your son needs to watch his back at school. Bob (not her sons real name) was really mad that he said you didn’t like me. There have been fights over things like this.” I sat there for a minute, looking out my back doors thinking, “is this for real? She is threatening my son because I said I didn’t like her?”

I took a deep breath and said, “do I need to call the school? Is that what you are telling me? You know Bob will get suspended if he goes after Austin.”

She replied, “Bob has a good head on his shoulders, I don’t think he would do anything stupid. I’m just warning you about your kid. He needs to be careful.”

I talked to Austin again. Told him about her threat. He laughed. And said, “you know I didn’t even say you didn’t like her. I said you didn’t have a good time”

He wasn’t worried. I tried not to be.

In the end nothing came of it. But it taught me a lesson about people. And certainly about sharing things within earshot of my kids.

And next time before I dish out cash for a “relaxing” spa weekend I am going to check the invite list. Twice.