The other day I was planning a post in my head about the rude things that slip out of people’s mouths when they talk about our adoption. And to be totally honest, there really haven’t been that many. But the few that have been said catch me off guard.
I get it that adoption (or 4 kids-whatever) is not for everyone. No one said that we all have to have carbon copy families. But people feel they must share their thoughts either way.
It’s not like I am not used to it. Blake and Austin look nothing alike, and comments were made. Right after I had Blake I was at a neighborhood cook-out and some guy I don’t know walked up behind me and said really loud to his wife, “is that baby Asian? Where did it come from??” I turned around and said, “my womb” and walked away.
And let’s not even get started that I am the freaky animal lover that takes in all things homeless. Sigh.
One of my friends said to us (not once but twice- as if we didn’t hear her the first time), “blah blah blah blah.” edited to take the quote out- I don’t want to make anyone mad or upset. My point is not to point fingers, just to make people realize that it is a good idea to be more aware of what comes out of their mouth.
How is that helpful? I mean really, what exactly is your point? I can’t figure out if people don’t get the adoption, having 4 kids, or starting over with another baby. I guess it’s a combo of all of the above. But if I had turned up pregnant, would people have the cojones to say anything?
One of my good friends told me to cut them some slack, it just isn’t right for them. I get that. But when things like that are said in front of my kids, what are they supposed to think?
So the day I sat down to write this, I checked one of my fave blogs and found she had written the same thing. Good to know I am not alone.
Ok and because pictures are always good, here ya go
Oh no, I am in love!
Don’t listen to those ass holes. People are just ignorant. Sorry for the bad word. Just pisses me off how people can be so rude. What your doing is f@*#@ AWESOME!! Your lil Eva is so precious and blessed! Your living your life they aren’t! As long as your happy that’s all that matter.
I’ve been enjoying your blog for a long time and I am thrilled that there is a new baby in your family. I’m sorry for the hurtful things that people have said and will say to you. But you know in your heart what a wonderful thing you have done. Miss Eva will have every opportunity in the world because of you, your husband, and her three big brothers. God bless you all. 🙂
Elisa,
I am so sorry to hear about these ignorant people. As a teacher it saddens me that people are not only like this but say these types of things in front of their children. Do they not realize they are passing on their opinions and prejudices? What about the fact that a family is willing and able to give a child a better life? Doesn’t every child deserve a chance for happiness? I applaud you and your family for allowing your daughter a better life.
P.S. Are you home yet?
I’ve read you blog for sometime now and think adoption is a wonderful thing. It’s something that we looked into and when we did I was very surprised at the negative backlash that we encountered from our family. Try not to listen to the negative and focus on the positive but I do strongly agree that comments said in front of the kids shouldn’t be tolerated. She’s your daughter and a part of your family. It doesn’t matter how she got there…she’s your child now. Many blessings to you and your family.
It’s an awesome blessing to have a child and it doesn’t matter how they join our family. But then you already know that.
I have read your blog for a while and am a proud carrier of one of your amazing bags. Our family has been built through adoption and birth and we have had some real corker comments-also because our daughters are only 4 months apart-virtual twins.
When we had started the adoption process, we had tried for several years to get pregnant and the pain of infertility was like a raw nerve. We knew we would adopt, but it happened a little sooner than we expected. When we would get insanely rude comments like “don’t you want to have kids of your own”, which do not even get me started about how my adopted daughter is my carbon copy, I would tell them “no, I am not done drinking and smoking yet”, which I do not smoke and only drink occasionally. Most people got how ridiculous their question was when faced with that response. For me, keeping a sense of humor-and a slight snarkiness when necessary-has gotten us through a lot.
God will continue to bless you and your growing family-and the people that need to understand, hopefully will. They have in our case.
Seriously, DO NOT LISTEN. I know it’s hard…but you are an inspiration to others…3 gorgeous sons and now a BEAUTIFUL daughter, you have a successful business and a loving family….
: ) Big hugs!
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the picture! That is darling!!!
I started my blog for the very reason you posted about this. I wanted to educate people because there were so many ignorant comments. I have heard some good ones, let me tell ya. Anyway, keep educating them, they need it. 🙂
-Jaimee
People are so ignorant sometimes, I would let their comments go in one ear and right out the other. Gee they tick me off, we love little Eva and she will add much love and joy to our family. Have a great weekend and give her a big hug for me.
oh man….i totally get this elisa.
giving birth to Five, let me tell you…they do have the balls to say it!
“you do know how you get pregnant right?”
“there are ways to prevent that you know?’
etc. etc.
everyone thinks we’re crazy.
i think we are awesome. 🙂
i think you are awesome.
adoption is awesome.
most people don’t even know what they are saying….
annie told me this week “mama when i grow up i want my babies to have brown skin.” i said “okay” sounds fine to me.
As a mom to two sets of twins, I also am also stunned at the number of nasty things people say. . . “I’d kill myself if I were you”, “You’re not having more, are you? and “Better you than me.” It used to bother me, but now I just reply with a smile on my face — “Yep, you probably couldn’t handle it.” Or my all-time favorite . . . “Twins? You must have done fertility.” I reply, “No, we just had sex twice in the same night.” That is always enough to stop the questions.
Just take your anger and start thinking of your clever replies!
what you have done is a selfless, remarkable, amazing, wonderful, beautiful thing…I really can not imagine any idiots 🙂 thinking otherwise…you amaze me 🙂