The Oldest

The oldest in our house has always been, well the oldest. And I don’t mean in age. Although I guess that is what makes him who he is.

He was not even two when his brother came along. I expected so much out of him, as a two year old. I expected him to be older. When the others turned two I remember shaking my head at how I expected so much more of the oldest. I guess that’s just the way it goes.

Now it’s like there is another adult in the house. And I like that.

A couple weeks ago we had some guys here to remove some dead trees. One of them got a little huffy with me because I didn’t want to pay him until he finished his work. It got dark, it wasn’t done, he said he would come back tomorrow. He wanted full payment. I said no. He started mumbling stuff. Andy was on his way home, but I felt a little scared.

I got the big mag flashlight and went upstairs and told Austin, who was playing guitar, to come downstairs and play. Because even though he is only 14, at almost 6 feet tall I felt a little better with the tree guys looking in the windows and knowing I wasn’t alone.

I used to feel bad that we have always expected more of him. But now that he is getting older I see that it suits his personality. He is such a first born. So I guess it’s ok that he was treated like one.

I had the Ellen show on today while making dinner, Pierce Brosnan was on and he was talking about his kids, “I waited a long time to be a dad, watching the clock tick- wondering when it would happen. I am just kicking back and enjoying every minute of it now. It’s the best time of my life.”

I feel that way. My life got a million times better the day this boy came into my world. It’s not easy. In no way is it easy. But nothing worth it ever is.